dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
