So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize