Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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