Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
