Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
