I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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