im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
