Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
