He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
