That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
