You're my little dorito
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Jerry, you need to find god
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
