I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
