i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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