I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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