i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
