I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
