new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well you can't waste a boner
is wine microwaveable?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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