True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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