I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
