To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
