I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
