I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she peed on how many people?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
