3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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