Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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