i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
