She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize