every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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