Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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