The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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