I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
