it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ugly people sure do ruin things
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
