id be glad to
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he shaved USA in his pubs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
