Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
