I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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