I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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