I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
