May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
