I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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