Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
