But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
