Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
