My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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