I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize