i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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