hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
