I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
pray to the hookup gods
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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