Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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