am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i now understand why vodka
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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