Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
