I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize