yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i out mim tonsoeep
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