have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
