He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
