i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
