yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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