hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
