fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
