swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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