My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
