So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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