Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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