i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
