I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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