And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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