I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
