you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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