Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
