So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
