Define "chronic" masturbator.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize