Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
