you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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