i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize