You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
